Denominational Homelessness
In which I begin to unpack my faith in an extremely messy manner
Picture this: It’s 9 p.m. You’re on day four of a five-day church youth conference, and man, are you feeling it. No, not “The Spirit”; I’m talking about the ache in your legs from standing six hours today in worship, the crick in your neck from sleeping on an all-but-plastic mattress, and the bandaged cut on your arm you got during a rough game of mud pit capture the flag (it’s definitely infected, but your youth pastor [22] says it should be fine.)
Maybe that queasy feeling in your stomach is the spirit finally moving—or it’s the result of the two lobby lattes you drink in between each service just to stay awake. Either way, something big is happening for sure (possibly in your lower intestines). You wonder if it’s too soon to take your one self-prescribed bathroom break.
You look around. All your friends seem to be getting really into it: They’re jumping up and down or swaying with their hands in the air or on their knees just sobbing, while others stand around intensely praying for them. Intense is the best word to describe just about everything going on around and within you. Not good or bad or holy or evil. Just intense. You can’t help but wonder how you look, standing still, maybe tapping a toe to the music. You wonder if you should raise your hands or leave them in your pockets. You compromise by clasping them in front of you. You try to close your eyes to escape the light show, but you can’t escape the sweet smell of shekina glory (concert haze) tickling your nose.
You take a deep breath, and really, really try to think about God. Or not think about anything and feel him. Or open your heart. Or… something. Something’s supposed to happen, right? One of the backup singers on stage has stepped up and is singing in what you can only describe as Pig Latin. Everyone around you is shouting “Yes!” and “Amen!”. You just keep your eyes closed cause you know that if you open them and watch what is going on, you’re going to laugh. Not to be mean or to mock the person. You just can’t help it. It all feels so… silly. Fake. Performed.
If any of this resonates with you, congratulations! I would like to formally welcome you to the Society of Reluctant Evangelicals! (Formerly known as the Center for the Denominationally Homeless. We meet on Thursdays and chat about theology [mostly Lewis] and talk each other down from the banks of the Tiber.)
But seriously, all jokes aside, I’ve been a ‘non-denominational’ Christian for most of my life. And I have nothing against non-denominationalism, evangelicals, or protestants. I have nothing against Catholics or Orthodox either. What I’m hoping to address in this article doesn’t really have anything to do with doctrine or dogma or anything as serious as that (although I do believe it is kinda serious).
No, what I am most concerned about, are vibes.
Culture is probably the more ‘sophisticated’ term here. And the problem isn’t that evangelicals don’t have culture. Far from it. I just think the mainstream culture they do have kinda… blows. Or, at the very least, is hyper-specific to a certain type of person with a certain temperament, to the detriment of anyone who doesn’t fit into that mold.
And it is a mold. It is an expectation of behavior and compliance. Of integration. And I don’t mean ‘behavior’ in the sense of obeying scripture and acting rightly. The best I can describe it as, and I’m sorry if this offends anyone… Performative Christian Behavior.
Let me stop here and clarify: I don’t think hand lifting and dancing and just general charismaticisms are inherently performative. I believe that there are Christians to whom these sorts of behavior and expressions of faith come naturally, gifts given by God. And that is awesome!
But when these people become the sole cultural tastemakers of the faith… things just get weird. I’ve seen so many weird things that just kinda get overlooked because they ‘fit’ the ‘vibe’. Like, why are you holding and petting a live lamb during your girly Christian conference? Why is every men’s conference just so… depressing, and wildly overcompensating for the inherent femininity of modern evangelicalism? Where did you get that sword from, and why are you pretending to be Aragorn in front of all these high schoolers? Dude, if your skinny jeans get any tighter and your shirt any looser, I’m gonna lose my mind and puke into your Neff Beanie. Just focus on playing G D Em C and singing about rivers and valleys and stuff man.
I don’t know guys, it just never did it for me.
I’ve had more emotional experiences at Twenty One Pilots concerts than in church. I’ve had more moments of numinous revelation on walks in the countryside than in prayer meetings. I’ve felt closer to God in private prayer and reading than I have when surrounded by those who share my faith.
Or supposedly share my faith, anyway. If I took a poll of all those kids I went to conferences with to see where they’re at with God right now, I know the results would be bleak. Not that I’m perfect. I’m an idiot who’s been lucky enough to have a solid family that’s supported me through all my stumbling and helped keep me on the straight and narrow despite the many times I’ve wanted to jump off.
It just makes me wonder though. If the point of mainlining emotional hype and huffing straight Christian aesthetic gas wasn’t to give people a lasting heart for the Lord… then what was the point? That’s a question I really, really wish people would start asking themselves before just doing “Christian” things. Do you really need to have an organized youth service? Do Jesus and kickball really go together? Does the act of playing kickball itself need to be consecrated as “Christian” for it to be worth something?
Or is it possible that all these things we try to make “Christian”, inherently already are, because they are good things God made for us to enjoy? And the act of trying to make them “Christian” really just makes them worse?
I’ve heard it said countless times how many ‘seeds’ were planted at these events. And like, yeah, sure. Maybe. But who the hell is watering the seeds when the kids get off the bus and go back home? Sending Timmy to youth once a week isn’t gonna do anything other than let you check a box off in your conscience. Congratulations, you did the good parent thing. He’s good with God, probably, so you don’t have to worry about him anymore. Right?
The biggest, most glaringly obvious problem to me is that mainstream Christian culture appears to be little more than this act of “Christianizing” something, applied to mainstream American culture. That’s what it looks like to me, anyway. The culture got obsessed with pop stars and entertainment and counterculture (which is just an aesthetic in its own right at this point), and Christian tastemakers just tried to make those things Christian. We tried to adapt, to mold ourselves into something more acceptable to the palate of the average American. And you know what happened.
We became indistinguishable.
Scratch that. You could still tell the difference. One was just a bit lamer than the other and wouldn’t upset your parents.
And here we are, in 2026, and do you know what all the kids raised on secular American culture for the past 25 years, who now want something more, are searching for?
Anything that looks different from American culture.
People are waking up to the despair wrought by materialism. We’re looking at what the worldview of our elders has accomplished, and we are really, really pissed off. We’re starting to wonder if Man really did kill God, and if not, we wanna know where we can get his number.
And most of us do not want to go anywhere near anything that looks too familiar.
So it’s no wonder that many people are turning to Catholicism and Orthodoxy, two traditions that are, at their roots, not American (in the sense that they are largely unattached to American Culture)
The people yearn for smells and bells and robes and seasonal liturgies and midnight masses and ancient wisdom. They’re tired of Zoom church and worship services indistinguishable from the Kanye concert they went to last week. The idea of masking the Church and Jesus with a culture that inquirers might be familiar with doesn’t work anymore. People want something that feels different. They want their spiritual practice to look like something reserved for God and God alone.
I am not advocating for Catholicism or Orthodoxy, just to be clear. I’m also not advocating for evangelicalism or Protestantism or anything else. Every tradition has its own hang-ups, odd interpretations, practices, and skeletons in its closet. Everyone has their own brand of weird.
And at the end of the day, I think all you can do is commit to whichever brand of weird you find easiest to accept. If smells and bells and chanting move you and draw you closer to God, then chase after that. If ambient drones and speaking in tongues lights a fire in your heart, then by all means go for it.
All that matters is that you truly desire Christ and want to serve him in whatever way he asks of you. No matter what road truth leads you down, just follow it. It will lead to him.
I apologize for the rambling nature of this article. I’ve written this piece about five different times now, each time going down a different rabbit hole. I know this is riddled with logic traps and contradictions, and I haven’t really done any of the points I’ve brought up justice. I will probably write a follow-up (likely multiple follow-ups) at some point and try to be more focused, but I have to start somewhere.
I myself am still figuring out what I feel most drawn to. And I know debate bros want to argue about the Filioque or Infant Baptism or Predestination or any number of topics. For those entrenched within a tradition or worldview, anyone who thinks differently looks like an opponent to be challenged and crushed.
But as chairman of the Society of Reluctant Evangelicals, everywhere I look, be it in the Cathedrals of Rome, the altars of the Orthodox, or the strip malls of evangelical America, you know what I see?
People from all walks of life, crying out to God as they try to love him, his son, his church, and the world he made. It is always beautiful and striking; The unity of faith that transcends time and culture.
If you haven’t guessed, I’m not a big fan of modern worship music. However, I think this line from the song ‘Eyes Of the Lord’ by the band Pas Neos sums it up best.
Each man must go his way in the evil of this present age. The road to life, the narrow gate, will follow the path of Cain.
For each work, the Lord has found, He’ll require that man give account.
For those who act, in hate or love, will answer to him everyone.
God Bless You.
lol the lattes 😅
We could have a long conversation on this topic. I too know not what to do with my hands sometimes!